Tired

I am tired. I realized that within the last two days.  One big indicator was that people wanting to talk to me was making me grouchy.  The ring of my phone causes a deep sigh because of the extreme effort I know it will take to engage in conversation with whoever is on the other end. Mundane tasks become exhausting. Some days sending a smiley face emoji is a stretch. I can see the strain on the face of my bright yellow emoji- she's tired too. 

The bad part about being tired is not wanting anyone to know. You want everyone to think you are handling the stresses of every day life and the busyness of your schedule effortlessly. It's like the ridiculousness of answering the phone in the middle of the night and the person asks "Are you sleeping?" and you say, "No! I'm up." ..."I mean, why on earth would I be asleep at one a.m.? I don't need to sleep! I just finished painting my bathroom, organizing my sock drawer, and I'm about to start a load of laundry. Don't ever accuse me of being asleep!"

But Jesus knows we are human. He knows we get tired. The dailiness of life can be enough to wear us out, then throw in the stress and pressures we encounter on a regular basis...it wears us out. And not just worn out like we need some sleep- worn out like our hearts are tired.  Feeling makes us tired, engaging emotionally makes us tired, being encouraging makes us tired. The kind of tired you feel in your muscles and your soul. The kind of tired that sleeping in and binging on Netflix doesn't solve. 

What do we do when we experience this kind of soul-wearying tiredness? Isaiah has some advice for us in Chapter 40-

Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom.
 He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
 Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

Even wehen we are tired- the Lord is not. When we get discouraged and beaten down, we tend to think God feels the same way we do. Like we think He is just as frustrated at our life as we are. But He is not like us- He is always full of hope. Because His hope is not in our ability to do things well or figure things out or muster up the energy to get back in the swing of life. His hope is in Himself because He is Christ, the hope of glory. He is the Savior- not us! We get to be saved and not do the saving! We get to be tired and He gets to renew our strength! All have to do is put down all our efforts to fix ourselves, to save ourselves or the world around us, admit we are tired, and wait on Him, hope in Him- and He will fill us up with all He is. 

So tonight I sit and wait - I tell Him I am tired. I tell Him I need Him and then I lay down all my attempts to make everything better- all my plans to motivate myself to answer that phone. I just wait on Him to come and fill my heart with all He has because He loves me and I know He will.